My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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