You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
