i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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