end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
