I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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