I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
