all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
