I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
