Midget sex pt 2 tonight
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He? As in you personified your dick?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
