I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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