we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
