you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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