you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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