I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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