He passed out mid-signature
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
