Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
