just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
