Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
