Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
