I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
