never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize