Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
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New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just want nice things and good sex
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
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It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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