i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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