You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
