I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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