My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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