Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize