I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
