Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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