but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
