worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
