i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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