So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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