I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
