I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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