It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
