Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
