honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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