I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
