i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
