You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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