The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
