If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
