I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
