OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
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Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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