I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
