You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
