a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
