I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just took my morning after pill in the library
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
