I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize