he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
