honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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