I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
