I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
