I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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