They should really pass out barf bags in church
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
