do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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