One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
