im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
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Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
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This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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