i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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