he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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