No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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