I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We have so much sex to catch up on
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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