I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
so much tequila, so little girl.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
