I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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