Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
