Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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