So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
